blowoutthecandleasshole:

huffylemon:

Here’s the rest it’s just as funny

chirasul:

shitidiotloserheritageposts:

chirasul:

there’s like 10,0000,0 accounts with names like “Best Heritage Posts” and “Tumblr Hall Of Fame Posts” and “So Funny Hellsite Posts” but where’s the shitty posts accounts. where’s the hall of fail accounts. i want to see the worst of the worst

heritage post

come on man

maamlet:

me: man my job sucks i want to play video games or somethin

the nefarious anglerfish:

cuntpedal:

cuntpedal:

ideal hangout i invite 2 talkative and funny friends over and listen to them talk to each other

notes are informing me that this is not neurotypical behavior

clownboybebop:

I’m so tired of hot actors with no actual talent or magnetism. we need more ugly little cuntservers giving performances that fuck so hard you leave the theatre with road rash. willem dafoe if you’re out there

captain-price-unofficially:

creepymutelilbugger:

notafamousblog:

creepymutelilbugger:

empress-belosbeck:

that little squirrel boy is about to get it

get what

mag200:

mag200:

mag200:

mag200:

one thing about orpheus and eurydice is you guys are all like “i’m different i wouldnt turn to look at her” because you are all familiar with the story of orpheus and eurydice. but orpheus wasnt familiar with the story because he was in it lol.

“i wouldn’t look back bc logically if she’s not there it wouldnt help to look and if she is there looking back would cause me to lose her” cool so has love never made you stupid and insane

another thing thats interesting is i think most people assume its a walk of reasonably short length that you have to resist looking back. but we dont know how long that walk was. its out of the underworld, time could work very differently. could be days. could be months. could you walk for months without looking back to see if your love is okay? i dont think you could

exactly. like oh you’re not going to look back? have you never lost a love? there is so much looking back.

sacha-fenestraz:

stimpson:

Would you rather $1 million or a disgusting old penny

funnytwittertweets:

mornington-the-crescent:

disgruntled-foreign-patriarch:

salmonella-destroyer-of-worlds:

Actual roman epitaph for a dog

humans are the same

evilwizard:

instead of exterminating rats, the state of New York should hire a rat trainer to round them all up and teach them to do odd jobs. they could clean up litter, scrub the manhole covers… run electrical wires. maybe do some plumbing

there should be a dedicated rat feeding station in every subway. if you pass out drunk on the bus a squadron of 50-60 purebred albino rats should carry you gently down the street back to your home. i know this may all sound rather infeasible—but if you hire me, the pied piper,

aahsoka:

‘bread is bad for you’ ‘rice is bad for you’ sorry im not subscribing to the idea that staple grains that have been integral to cultures for centuries are evil. i love you carbs

boymage666:

animentality:

Elon Musk and Hank Green were having an argument over how Elon Musk is burying Twitter and then this guy cut in:

top 10 screenshots taken right before a Twitter ban